Something Different
by Jinx
Summary: A Max/Logan romance with Zack making trouble from beyond the grave


Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, they're all Cameron etc.

Authors Note: This is a story about the Max, Logan and the sadly deceased Zack. This was written after AJBAC but before the start of season 2 and it assumes that Zack is really dead and there is no virus.

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SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Max leaned into Logan's kiss and it was as though all the time between them simply melted away. "Logan…" Max breathed against his lips. Logan tightened his arms around Max, cradling her with ferocious tenderness. Tears shone unshed in his eyes.

"God Max - I thought… I thought I'd lost you." Logan choked on the emotions that rose with the painful memories of the woman he loved dying in his arms. Max pulled back so she could look into his eyes and reassure him of her presence and life.

"I'm here Logan." Max's beautiful large brown eyes were soft with feeling. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Logan responded by pulling Max closer so her body was pressed tight against his. He kissed her deeply, pouring all of his grief and pain into that single act. 

Max gasped silently at his pain and she felt it echo her own. So much lost. So many people, so much time. "I'm here…" Logan ran a hand down the centre of Max's chest, pausing and pressing his palm against where the bullet had ripped a hole in her heart. The steady thumping beat reverberated beneath Logan's hand.

"How?" The question was softly spoken but was so laden with fear and pain and guilt on both sides that Max could only shake her head mutely and push his hand away. "Max?" Logan gently lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. Max couldn't meet his clear grey gaze, she bit her swollen lower lip.

"Please - I cant… Not right now…" Her voice had a weak pleading note that Logan had never associated with Max before. _What did they do to her?_ He thought agonised. What could have happened to her at Manticore. To save her, to escape…

Max silenced any further questions that Logan might have asked by pressing her lips to his. Logan accepted this momentary end to the discussion and welcomed her warm tongue in his mouth. The tender kissing deepened into a desperate passionate need and Logan was surprised to feel Max's small capable hands pulling his towards the bedroom. 

Once inside the room Logan paused, running his hands up her arms gently even as Max explored his body with no such hesitancy. "Max are you sure?" He asked as her fingers crept to the buttons of his jeans. Max made no verbal response. Instead she slipped one had into the open jeans to stroke him. Logan groaned and his restraint fled as he pulled her closer and instinctively rocked into her hand. Max wasted no time for gentle explorations as Logan slid his fingers to touch her bra straps beneath her shirt. She pulled away and efficiently stripped out of her simple clothes while Logan watched shocked at the speed with which things were progressing. "Max -" Logan started only to be cut off by the feel of Max pulling him free of his denim cage.

In moments the pair was on the large double bed that dominated the room. Logan rolled Max beneath his strong body and started kissing and stroking his way down her body. While he explored her, Max's eyes started to unfocused as the memories overtook her. Even while her body responded automatically to Logan's ministrations her mind drifted to the past. Manticore. Zack. Tinga. Ben. It was too much and Max's eyes snapped open, her breath coming sharply and her pupils dilated in panic. 

Logan was completely unaware of what was going on inside of Max's mind, thinking her behaviour to be in reaction to his caress. Max's eyes started moving frantically around the room, searching for someone that she knew was there. 

Logan slipped himself between her legs as he kissed her neck, sucking and nipping the tender skin lightly. Max's eyes stopped and she stiffened in shock under Logan's gentle hands and the weight of his body.

Zack.

Max whimpered almost unnoticeably at the sight of her dead brother standing only a few feet away from the bed where she was currently entwined with Logan. There was no expression on Zack's face, his skin an unnatural blue hue. 

As Max watched blood started to drip from the side of his head to the floor. Max jerked, trying to move away from the terrifying figure in military fatigues. Logan noticed her fear and pulled back. "Max? What's wrong?" 

Max pushed at Logan's broad chest, her frantic scared eyes fixated on her brother. As the blood continued to drip steadily into a pool on the cream soft Persian rug his skin began to slowly change, decomposing before her sight. The shirt Zack was wearing flapped open to an invisible breeze and the open cavity of his chest was visible in all its horrific crimson death. No heart was within. 

"Max?" Logan had picked up on her panic and tried to find the cause.

"Let me go!" Max cried as she pulled herself from Logan's comforting warmth. Confused and concerned by Max's abrupt and distressed behaviour, Logan followed Max as she stumbled from the bed and ran to the bathroom. Logan heard Max vomiting behind the closed door and turned to look where Max had been staring. There was nothing there.

"Max?" No reply. "Max!" Logan called more urgently, scared now by her violent reaction. He heard the water running and then the sound of the lock turning and the door swung open. Max had one of his dressing gowns wrapped around her, the dark red one, and her eyes were haunted as she quickly scanned the room. Whatever she saw or didn't see caused her to relax fractionally and she rested her forehead briefly in her hands while taking deep breaths. 

Logan was hesitant to touch her after her unpredictable behaviour but she looked so childlike and vulnerable he couldn't stop himself from stepping forward and wrapping his arms around the shaking woman. There was nothing remotely sexual about the situation now, it was all about comfort, even as Logan cursed himself for moving too fast.

"Its okay. Shh. Its okay Max." Logan whispered into her dark locks of hair. "I love you, I'm sorry…we don't have to do anything, its okay…" Logan tried to say anything he could think of to calm Max from whatever had upset her so much.

Max closed her eyes to stop the tears that demanded release. Now on top of everything else she had managed to make Logan feel guilty, like getting physical with him had been the cause of her reaction. Despite this Max couldn't bring herself to speak and tell Logan what she had seen, she couldn't even say Zack's name anymore, even to herself.

After several minutes Max calmed enough to look up at Logan. His eyes were so softly compassionate that it almost undid her again. "I'm sorry, I'm okay now." She said quietly. Logan ran his fingers through Max's hair and smiled reassuringly at her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said gently. "I should have realised you weren't ready for this." Max bit her lip, again guilty that she was allowing him to blame himself. Logan however took this as a sign that Max was still upset. "Max we can take this as slow as you need, I shouldn't have rushed you." 

Considering that it had been Max who had pulled Logan into the bedroom this would have been almost funny under any other circumstances. Max tried to alleviate Logan's guilt and consequently her own.

"Logan, no. I just… I just freaked, it wasn't you, I thought-" Logan interrupted Max's attempt to explain herself.

"Max please, it wasn't your fault, it was mine." Max started to shake her head but Logan continued, holding her face between his strong hands like she was the most fragile thing in the world. "I should have realised that it was too soon for you to cope with anything as physically and emotionally demanding as sex." 

Max found she couldn't bring herself to look Logan in the eye for fear she would spill her little secret. How could she tell him that ever since she had woken up, tied down in the Manticore infirmary and been told that it was Zack's heart beating in her chest, she had been seeing her deceased brother. He was haunting her. Max knew what Logan would think, he would think she was nuts. The bitch of it was, he would probably be right.

"I don't - " Max swallowed hard and stopped herself. She couldn't tell him, he wouldn't understand. "I'm sorry." She whispered lowering her dark head to hide her eyes from his concerned gaze.

Logan felt the huge weight of his guilt as he held her loosely in his arms. He was afraid that to tighten his grip would simply make her panic again. The thought that she was afraid of him hurt so badly. "Please Max, don't say that." He said quietly, his pain clear in his voice. "I was so relieved to have you back that I didn't even stop to consider what you might have been through." Logan threaded his fingers through her thick hair. It was longer than he remembered it and the childish curls were straightened by the weight of its new length.

"Please don't ask me about Manticore Logan." Max begged softly. "Not yet, its too soon." The plea broke Logan's heart.

"Okay, its okay. Manticore can wait and so can I. We don't need to do anything, its enough just knowing your alive and back with me." Logan tried to say anything to remove that trapped look in Max's eyes.

Max managed a shaky smile for Logan although her muscles were still tense from her earlier fright. She scanned the room a gain from her position in Logan's arms. Zack was still absent. Max closed her eyes and prayed he would not come again that night.

"Hey. You alright?" Logan's softly put question pulled Max from her momentary fugue. Zack's appearances really did have lousy timing sometimes.

"Yeah." Max tried to smile and alleviate Logan's worry. "Just tired now, I guess." Max felt bad lying but it was better than the alternative. Logan nodded and smiled at her.

"Why don't you get some sleep." Max managed a small smile and started to head out of the bed room. Logan stopped her with a gentle touch on her elbow. "You take this room, I'll take the guest room." Max's dark eyes flickered from Logan's handsome face to the place where Zack had appeared, bloody and dead.

"Um… You know what, I'd really rather take the guest room for tonight." Max said, her expression strained.

Logan looked puzzled but nodded. "Alright." Max started to exit the room. "Max?" She turned. Logan looked like he wanted to say something else but then he shook it off. "We'll talk tomorrow. Okay?"

"Sure." Max managed a tight smile. "Tomorrow."

Once alone in the guest room Max changed quickly into sweats and a vest she found in the chest of drawers. Logan hadn't moved any of her belongings from his apartment in the time she'd been gone. All that had been left were some clothes she kept there and a few bits and pieces.

Max curled up on top of the comforter, pulling one of the pillows into her arms to hug tightly to her body. She left the small lamp beside her bed on. _How's that. The big bad genetically enhanced solider afraid of the dark. _Sometimes Zack could be almost comforting in his presence, sometimes they talked, although never about the events that had led to their deaths, her's temporary, his forever. Other times he appeared as X5599, torturing her with his presence with the horror of what he could say and be. Zack had been there when Max had been tortured for knowledge about Eyes Only. He had been there when the doctors had started reindoctrination. He had been there when she had escaped her hell hole home. The brother that she had loved so much was now her living nightmare.

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Morning followed and with the breaking light Max could almost believe that what she had seen was just what it had felt like, a bad dream. Day wasn't as scary as night, it never is, no matter what monsters hide in your closet or how old you are. Max dressed wearily. She hadn't slept. Normally this wouldn't have bothered her in the least but the last time she had anything resembling rest was when she had been lying unconscious under anaesthetic. 

As Max dressed Zack appeared once more to her. He was standing only a few feet from where she was standing. Max was only wearing her jeans and a bra and at the sight of her brother hastily pulled a dark sweater on. Zack's appearance was normal today, none of last nights horror film effects visible.

"Max." He spoke at a normal tone and Max was irrationally afraid that Logan would hear him. Unlike the military garb he had worn the night before, now he was wearing only regular jeans and a t shirt. This was Zack, not X5599.

"What do you want?" Max hissed, walking over to the door and pressing her ear to see if Logan was up. She heard noise in the kitchen. Zack didn't react to her hostile tone. He causally walked to the bed and laid down.

"I wanted to see you." He told her plainly. 

Max pressed her hands tightly to her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, chanting to herself. "Your not real, not real, your not real, not real…" Sometimes this worked and Zack would vanish back into whatever part of her brain or whatever ethereal plane he came from. Now though Zack let out a hoarse chuckle.

"Come on Maxie, you wanna go to the Space Needle?" He asked.

Max opened her eyes, leaving her hands where they were. "Your not Zack!" She said vehemently, still keeping her voice hushed. Zack's expression changed, became more stern. The familiar sight of Zack glowering at her almost broke Max's heart. _I'm insane. I have actually gone insane, like Ben and the nomlies…_ Max rubbed the heels of her hands against her eyes and headed for the door. "Don't follow me, don't follow me, don't follow me…" Max muttered as she left the room. 

"Maxie!" She heard Zack call after her but ignored him. 

Max walked slowly into the kitchen. Zack hadn't followed. Logan was preparing them both breakfast. He smiled cheerfully at Max, and offered her a plate of pancakes. "Morning. Sleep well?" He asked. Truthfully Logan had been surprised that Max hadn't been up long before him. All he could assume was that Max was either really exhausted by the traumatic events of the past few months or she was avoiding him.

That last possibility was the one that would keep him up at night. That Max might actually be frightened of him was something he didn't want to contemplate but her reaction to the intimacy they had been involved in last night couldn't be ignored. Logan didn't want to know what had happened to her at Manticore. Honestly, who wanted to see the person they loved more than anything, suffering in their own personal hell. Logan was starting to think that he had no choice but to force the issue with Max, maybe she needed to talk about what had happened before she could move forward. Max was obviously hiding something and he wanted to help her heal from the experience of Manticore.

Logan sat with his own breakfast, mentally thanking Phil for the exoskeleton that allowed him the basic abilities he had taken for granted before the shooting that had left him paralysed.

"These are really good." Max said.

"Huh? Oh yeah secret Cale family recipe." Logan managed to smile and Max reflected it back with genuine good humour.

Logan decided that now was as good a time as any to bring up the topic. As much as he might like the light hearted atmosphere he couldn't quite relax with the knowledge that Max was keeping something from him, even if it was for his own good, such as when she had refused to allow his involvement in the Ben situation.

"Max." The serious way Logan said her name caught Max's attention. "I know there's something your not telling me about what happened to you at Manticore." At this Max put down her fork and fixed her coffee brown eyes on Logan's solemn grey ones.

"Logan its not what you think." Max told him. Logan shook his head.

"I know how difficult this is for you, remembering… but Max I'm here for you, I want to help." Max stood up and walked over to the large windows. She traced her dimly lit reflection, feeling the cool glass. Logan watched her anxiously, waiting for her to speak.

"You cant help me Logan." She said without expression, still faced away from him. Logan stood and walked to where Max stood and gently rested his hands on her shoulders.

"Max… Please don't shut me out, let me help you." At the compassionate note in his voice, Max felt some of her iron control falter and a tear escaped her liquid eyes.

"Logan -" Her voice broke. The stress of coping on her own with this secret, hiding it from the Manticore personnel for fear of being put in with the nomlies and dealing with the constant horror of anticipation of her brothers terrifying apparitions. She had thought of the possibilities. Either her brother was a real ghost, which Max didn't credit too highly on the statistical likelihood scale. Or she was insane, this was quite high in probability but Max didn't like to think of it, her fear of nomlies and what had become of Ben too vivid in her mind. The last possibility was that, as with her transfusion with Logan, Zack's heart had created a psychic/spiritual link between them, something even death couldn't stop.

At Max's distress Logan moved his arms around her waist, pulling her to lean back against his chest. "Did they hurt you Max?" He asked, however much he didn't want to know the details.

"They hurt me" She said shortly. "They wanted to know who Eyes Only was, and then they tried to reprogram me…" Somehow it was easier to talk about what she had suffered physically then how she suffered now. Logan stiffened at what she said although he tried not to, but to hear he was responsible for her pain…

"What did they do?" He asked around the lump in his throat. Max heard it anyway and closed her eyes in disbelief at her own stupidity. She had been so selfish in trying to keep the conversation from Zack that she had inadvently hurt Logan, of course he would feel to blame.

"It doesn't matter Logan, I'm a solider I can take pain. That's what I was trained to do. What they did to me was no worse than anything I suffered when I was a kid." Max tried to amend her mistake.

Logan felt the fist around his heart tighten as he doubted the truth of her words. "You don't have to lie to me Max." He said wanting the truth for her sake rather than the lie for his. Max turned to look Logan in the eye, knowing he would see the truth.

"You don't want to hear this." Her dark eyes were honest. Frustration built in Logan.

"I want to know what they did!" He said, angry at her defences. "Why you reacted the way you did last night, I know something's not right with you!" Max's emotions were clear in her eyes.

"Look I'm sorry about last night okay? But don't go reading more into this then there is, I freaked is all and I'm sorry, so will you get of my back!" Anger tinged her voice as Max tried to defend herself without losing her secret.

Instead of intensifying his demands Logan's voice softened. "Max, I don't care about last night for any reason other than what upset you so badly."

"I was just tired." Max said flatly. Logan leaned forward and cupped her soft cheek in his palm.

"You used to trust me Max. What could have happened to change that?" His tone was sad and that got through Max's defences like nothing else could. Logan took a deep breath and said what he feared the most. "Did I… Did I scare you last night Max? Were you afraid that I -"

"Logan no!" Max cried, she couldn't believe he would think that. "I told you it wasn't you, I know you would never hurt me but I cant tell you Logan. I'm sorry but please don't push this, you wont understand." Max pleaded. She didn't want to burden Logan with this, it was too much and somehow saying it aloud would make it real to her.

"Maybe I wont understand Max, I don't know. I do know I love you and whatever's wrong I'll help you." Max's face started to crumple at his tender sincere words. "Please Max, I love you, let me in…"

A small sob escaped Max's lips and the words fell without another pause. "Logan - Zack he… I -" She shook her head in desperation, not knowing how to say this. Not wanting Logan to look at her like a Nomlie.

"Max please tell me" Logan was begging now, his hands cupping her face much as he had the night before. A tear escaped his crystal blue eyes, falling in empathy for the obvious pain Max was in.

"Oh Logan, I have his heart… Zack's dead!" Max pulled roughly away from Logan and threw herself into sofa where she clutched a cushion like it was a lifeline, her knees drawn up close to her chest. Logan's expression was one of shock. He had seen the faint scar on her chest, indicative of a transplant but he had never dreamed the heart would have been Zack's. As far as Logan knew Zack had been captured alive, only superficially wounded. Logan walked over to where Max sat and knelt by her where she was rocking slightly back and forward.

"How did he die?" He asked quietly. Max refused to look at him as she spoke.

"He killed himself." Logan inhaled sharply in shock. "For me, so I could have his heart -" The tears fell now freely as Max admitted what she hadn't said aloud before. 

__

Oh God… Logan couldn't believe what he heard. He had always known how Zack felt for Max but this… Logan could see how effected Max was by this and he moved closer to her in hopes of offering support.

"I don't know what to say Max. I had no idea, I'm so sorry." Logan tentivly reached out to take one of her small hands in his. Max let out a choked sound. She hadn't even told Logan the rest of it.

"No. You don't get it, Zack's dead but he's not." Max wept. Logan looked at Max in confusion.

"What do you mean? A part of Zack lives in you Max, he'll always be with you."

"No! I still see him!" Max cried.

"What do you mean, you still see him?" He didn't understand.

"I mean I still see Zack!" Max was angry now, not at Logan directly, just angry. "He was standing by the bed last night, bleeding from a fucking hole in his head!" Logan was stunned by this admission and took a few deep breaths. Max was seeing her dead brother. Okay.

"Was last night the first time?" Logan had collected himself and spoke calmly. They could deal with this, Max had been through a lot.

Max shook her head. "No." She said miserably. "The first time was the day after I woke up after the operation at Manticore." She looked up at Logan who stroked her hand reassuringly.

"How often do you see him?" Logan asked. Max shrugged.

"Sometimes he comes a couple of times a day, sometimes not at all. Sometimes he stays for hours or else he goes in minutes." She said as she shifted closer to Logan who put his arm around her slender form. Logan brushed her hair back from her head soothingly. "He was here this morning as well." Max admitted in a whisper. "He wanted to go to the Space Needle."

Logan closed his eyes briefly trying to think of what to say. He didn't want to upset her or scare off talking to him. "It'll be alright Max. We'll figure this out." The only words he could find were ones of assurance.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Max asked quietly. Logan turned her face to look right at his eyes while he spoke.

"No." The word was strong and Logan put all of his feeling in it. "Your not crazy Max." The desperate hope in her dark eyes tore at his heart.

"Really?" Max's voice was small even to her ears. Logan leaned in and kissed her lips gently.

"Really. I love you Max. This is going to be alright. I promise." Logan smiled reassuringly and Max wished with all her heart hat she could believe him.

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A/N: Not sure if this is a one off or the start of a series. Let me know what you think.


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